12 Awkward Sex Moments Every Woman Has Endured

1. When he's acting like sex is over because he
came. Wait, is he falling asleep and/or leaving?
He knows we're both supposed to come or at
least make the effort to make each other come,
right? So him just getting up and leaving is like
going to the store to buy candy and giving them
half of the amount you owe and then calmly
walking away. It's something only a horrible
person does. Wait, is he a horrible person?
2. Wrong hole, bro. Whoa. Uh, yeah, back up.
Baaaaack up. Hopefully we'll never speak of this
again.
3. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. He's hurting my hair/
arm/head/back/stomach/knee/inner thigh/
vagina but I don't want him to feel bad, I just
want him to move. Okay, going to make a run
for it in 5 ... 4 ... 3...
4. When he's being too gentle and you don't
know how to tell him. How do I tell him I'm not
made of paper? I don't want him to kick the
crap out of me, but treating me like a porcelain
doll that breaks if you touch her face with more
than a finger-whisper is not working either. You
think he'd be able to tell it's not working from
that time I fell asleep while he did that.
WE RECOMMEND
5. Aaaaand you queefed. Well, it's out there. I
can't take it back. And also? It could've been
the bed. It could've been a weird sound the bed
made. Absolutely. You know what? He probably
just thinks it's that. Yeah, he totally does.
6. Great, part of your body is asleep. I can't feel
my leg. Do legs wake up on their own once
they're asleep? They've got to, right? Otherwise
I'll have to violently shake my leg, which will
probably kill the mood. Oh god, somehow it's
getting even number. Oh well. If I lose it, I lose
it.
7. When you're pretty sure they didn't wash
their hands. Oh god, I hope they washed their
hands. Their fingers are inside me right now
and if they didn't wash them first, that means
every doorknob, public restroom toilet flusher,
nose wipe, you name it is crawling inside my
vag right now. Can I scoot away from their
filthy fingers? Would that work?
8. When they call you something weird in bed.
Did he just call me "mommy"? I can't handle
this. There's just too much here to unpack.
9. Trying to react during confusing sex noises.
OK, don't laugh or look disgusted. I'm mine
sound super weird too. I mean, not really
because I know for a fact mine are sexy and this
person's sex moans are terrifying, but still.
10. When you ask if they have a condom and
they just say "No." And you're like, "Uh, OK,
then. Wait, do you think I'm still going to have
sex with you? Because I'm not. Seriously, get
some condoms! Mobilize!"
11. Trying to shift his body into the right spot
with your pelvis. This is like trying to get a
Rubik's Cube to line up, except every time you
make progress with it, someone walks in and
moves it back to start again.
12. When you're in a position that's so
uncomfortable but they seem to be having a
great time. But part of it feels good, kind of.
Sort of? Aaaand I'm fainting.